Ego and love cannot exist together

“If someone slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other one to them too.”

The classic, right?

I have noticed that in the church, in society and in all the traditions of the world, we only ever talk about loving our neighbor. Most of us have been taught that it is good to treat others well, to love others. With the background that we will then also be treated well and receive this love in return.

Self-love, on the other hand, is not necessarily something that is often discussed; it is more about narcissism, exaggerated self-love and self-care – and this is then criticized again. Self-love involves saying ‘no’, sometimes offending others and simply knowing your own limits and standing up for them.

Those who act out of self-love are often labeled as selfish and receive little understanding.

Leading figures

We then have role models like Mother Theresa, who, as we know, does everything for others, who puts others before herself and we think: that’s how a good person must be, they must help others and forget themselves in the process.

And then we also try to be good people and sometimes it’s enough, then we don’t get what we promised ourselves from our sacrifice and then we freak out, and maybe we even become really selfish and inconsiderate. And we are disappointed because we don’t get what we expected.

And somehow, in the end, there is no real love anywhere. We look for it everywhere, but we just can’t find it. Why is that? Basically, everyone tells you: “love others, not yourself.” Or: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”

And that’s what you do, except that you don’t love yourself. And then you look for love in others, who are also empty.

Our (in)formation

And we also learn at school that we shouldn’t love ourselves. Not that anyone literally says that, but we have to make an effort to get recognition and love. If we do nothing, we are not good enough. We have to be someone, become someone, make something of ourselves – as if love and respect were not a birthright.

And in most homes it’s the same, you’re only accepted if you behave a certain way, otherwise you’re not a good kid and you get in trouble.

The chain of condemnation

We grow up with so many judgments about ourselves. We are put into so many boxes. And we take these judgments so much to heart because we want nothing more than to be loved. And when we are older, we continue to do so, we criticize ourselves and do ourselves harm.

And because we see our own mistakes clearly, we also see the mistakes of others so easily. We do not forgive ourselves for our mistakes, or only very reluctantly, so we are also harsh towards others and we criticize as much as we can.

We waste so much time judging others and talking about others. Yes, you even find a lot of faults and exaggerate them and make them seem as big as possible.

The joke is that for us, this criticism was the love we received, so we criticize and think we are giving love. So you really can’t hold it against anyone. That’s why there is so much criticism and such a lack of love.

Charity without a mask

And this is what charity often looks like in reality. It’s people who do it out of a lack: “Look how good I am, I’m spiritual, almost like Mother Theresa and I’m extraordinary. I am a servant of humanity, clearly something better!”

But someone like that has nothing to give, because they want something in return. It’s a trade for attention and praise, he does it for his image. If he gets nothing in return, he gets angry and feels used.

If a person does not love himself, then his entire ability to love is destroyed, then what he thinks he loves is nothing more than a pseudo-love.

By trying to love others without loving oneself, it is only through this effort that the ego arises.

More than enough

Those who love themselves enjoy love so much and it makes them so happy that love begins to overflow and reach others.

It can’t be any other way!

Those who live in love must share it with others. They cannot keep it to themselves, it is an automatic overflow, without ulterior motives. You can’t always just love yourself, because one thing is absolutely clear: if it is so beautiful and incredibly ecstatic to love one person, yourself – how much more ecstasy can you expect when you start to share your love with many people.

Slowly, the ripples can then make bigger and bigger circles. First you love other people, then you start to love the animals, the birds, the trees, the rocks. You can fill the whole universe with your love. A single person is enough to fill the whole universe with love – just as a single stone can fill the whole lake with waves.

A small stone!

And now I have a nice quote:

“And when your soul has attained its full strength, then you know that you will not die, that you are immortal, that you are eternal. Love gives you the first glimpse of eternity. Love is the only experience that transcends all temporality – that is why lovers are not afraid of death. Love knows no death. A single moment of love is more than a whole eternity.”

That sounds a bit cheesy, I admit. But for me, there is so much truth in these lines.

And it always remains the same. Love must begin with this first step: Love yourself. Don’t judge yourself. You have been judged so much and you have taken all these judgments to heart.

Don’t judge and respect yourself. Listen to yourself and take care of yourself. Pay attention to yourself and then to others.

Because then you can also respect others, through your self-love you know: “The others are just like me. Just as I am happy about love, respect and dignity, so are others.”

And if you ask me…

There is a system within the system

Only a Buddha can say: “Love yourself.”

No politician, no priest, no one with power over others could agree to this, because it would be dangerous for them. If people are denied the opportunity to love themselves, their spiritual strength, their soul, becomes weaker day by day. In school, love is cut right at the root.

And no state, no church, no establishment has ever wanted people to have a strong soul, because a person with spiritual energy will always be rebellious and he will not be easy to control, he will have his own will. Because love makes you free, rebellious and even revolutionary.

A high level of self-love makes it difficult to deceive, exploit or oppress you. Because you have integrated your own compass within you, you are not dependent on others.

Without self-love, it is difficult to be alone.

Love your body, love your mind. Love all your functions, your whole organism. Love means accepting everything as it is. Don’t try to suppress anything. We only suppress what we hate. We only suppress something that we don’t want to acknowledge.

Don’t suppress anything, because how can you observe it if you suppress it? We cannot look our enemy in the eye, only our loved one.

Only if you are a lover of yourself can you look yourself in the eye, in your own face, in your own reality.

Meditation and love

I’m not a big fan of the conventional idea of meditation. Sit on your ass, be still and think nothing. Then you’ll be fine! And then add a little love. While you’re sitting there.

It doesn’t work for everyone. It does for some, by the way – so give it a try.

But what is important: what is the point of meditating if you go straight back into the unconscious afterwards? If you then start not loving yourself again, criticizing yourself?

“Observe!”

– This is Buddha’s wake-up call. He means: Be aware, be conscious, don’t be unconscious!

Observation means meditation, it is Buddha’s term for it. Don’t behave as if you were asleep. Don’t constantly behave like a machine, like a robot. Be alive.

First and foremost and always: love yourself, then follow: Observe – today, tomorrow, always. Observing doesn’t mean thinking, stop overthinking everything.

Release your mind from the task of making sure that you and everyone and everything turns out the way you want it to in order to feel better inside. It is not suitable for this job, release it and at the same time free yourself from your inner problems. Stop listening when he tells you that you’re not good enough, that you need to do something to make everything okay. Stop listening when he tells you that you have to change something again. Everything is fine the way it is, right now. Stop believing that you are broken and that your mind needs to fix you. Start loving yourself NOW and create a loving environment for yourself.

How do I start to love myself?

My suggestion:

Instead of constantly dealing with your problems, give love more energy.

Make love a great celebration. Put all your energy into love without thinking about the future. As long as you love someone, don’t hold back!

When you get totally involved in the act of love, without holding anything back, when you are completely absorbed in it, your whole body, your whole being comes alive; you are wild, you scream and sing and cry and laugh – all together. Then you feel a great inner peace arise, so that nothing can distract you and nothing can disturb you. Make love a celebration and you won’t have to think so much anymore, many things that bother you will disappear.

Consciously give yourself love and integrate it into your everyday life. You will never be perfect, you will never feel perfect, you will never get to the end.

This is where the whole psychoanalysis is stuck: it treats the symptoms as problems and begins to fathom the symptoms, to analyze them. You can keep peeling the onion, you can keep going, one layer at a time, and then the next layer. Have you ever met someone who is really psychoanalyzed?

There is not a single person on earth whose psychoanalysis is complete. It can’t be! You can go to an analyst year in, year out, and there is always something to explore.

Go straight into love! And then observe, not the other way around.

And it’s best to start today. Because most of the time we act as if we have too much time! But we don’t have too much time. We don’t have enough time to grow and enjoy our existence. We don’t have enough time to love.

In this sense

All the best <3